12% or 88%, It’s all the same to me.

I met with the surgeon last week. 12% chance of bad news: 88% chance of good news when it’s all said and done. But it’s all the same to me. If the smaller numbers actually meant something, then I wouldn’t be where I am right now. Where I am is facing a lumpectomy and biopsy. I have no lump, but it’s still called a lumpectomy. It’s outpatient surgery, and they say I can go back to work the next day. I bet they say that to everyone, not knowing that I teach preschool and substitute teach. One cannot be too much less than 100% when dealing with a room full of two-year olds.

I had calcifications on a mammogram, not necessarily a bad thing, and then a core needle biopsy to try to rule out cancer, which came back with atypical ductal hyperplasia, also not necessarily a bad thing (though I’d prefer not to have it). The core needle biopsy combined with the atypia can only rule out cancer in those ten little (with the bruising I had, I’m sure they were huge) samples, and not in the area. Those calcifications formed in that funny shape, in a concentrated location, and increasing in number from previous mammograms can indicate the presence of cancer (again, one of those low % that I’ve already forgotten since I’m now focused on the 12%). So I’ve got to go in for outpatient surgery to have the calcifications removed and biopsied to make sure there aren’t any cancer cells lurking around in the atypia (an abnormal growth of NORMAL cells in the ducts).

Of course, they couldn’t schedule it right away, so I’ve got ten more days to stew, with another week or so for the results.

I’m having a hard time maintaining my energy level and getting things done, sleeping (always been a problem, even during “good”, or should I say better times), and dealing with anxiety attacks (also a problem during better times).

So, blogging has been on hold for a while. So has developing my Reiki business. It’s depressing watching my $$$ flow out and very little flowing in. Doctor’s appt’s have kept me from subbing, and surgery will keep me out as well.

It’s amazing how busy things will get right before and after the surgery date, absolutely not of my control or doing. Kiddo’s hearing aid broke and is due back from the manufacturer the day before. My glasses, scheduled to be in Wednesday of this week, came in today and they made the bifocals of different sizes, so they had to be sent back and are due in on the day of surgery. Dunces. Kiddo’s class play is the day after. Do I try to work the Thurdsay after? The surgeon says I’ll be 90% by then. He says the recovery is similar to the core needle biopsy, so if that’s true, then I could, and hope I don’t get bumped. There are too many unknowns, and it’s driving me crazy.

So that’s why I’ve not been around much on any of my lists, sites, or here.

When I do come back, it’ll be with a vengeance. Launching my Reiki business (call me if you want to schedule a session or to take a class), reworking some ideas on this site, coming up with plans…

In the meantime, I could use some healing energy, for sleep and anxiety. And anything else you’d like to send my way.



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