First, clean thyself before cleaning the walls and floor. Because if you’re like me and started a load of laundry before starting said shower, the hot water will run out before the body gets properly cleaned. Now only parts of me and parts of the shower are clean. I’m hoping you won’t be able to tell which is which on me.

Second, before grabbing your personal toothbrush to clean the grout, make sure you have a replacement. Me? Emm…not so much. After scrounging around a bit in the cabinet, I finally found a new toothbrush. It was touch and go and I was seriously considering whose toothbrush I could borrow or if it was worth an emergency trip to the pharmacy for a new one.

Third, once you start scrubbing the little mold worms on the grout, it’s almost impossible to stop. (See point #1. Brrr. Cold.) Then I had to attack the caulk (how do I get that white again, anyway) and then the parts around the stall door, and the part under the door that only gets seen when the door is open. That would be the part that doesn’t rinse easily and water spills out onto the bathroom floor soaking the bathmat.

Fourth, take off the towel wrapped around your hair if you decide to lean back in and just get a little more (see point #3, it’s impossible to stop!) because it will slip off your head and block your view right at the moment when you are carefully aiming the water to rinse off that little part of the door that you only see when the door is open — spilling even more water onto the soaked bathmat. The one that now has to be dealt with because there is simply too much water on the floor to ignore it and now has moved to the head of the laundry que, much to the chagrin of hubby’s work clothes.

Finally, don’t look at the toilet when emptying the bucket which held the cleaning solution because then you’ll have to scrub that out too. We’re trying the coke in the toilet experiment to see if it really does get rid of the ring around the potty.

See, that wasn’t so hard! This is one time that the old adage, “do as I say, not as I do” will really help the cleaning process!

But it’s true.

I’m learning to be OK with being reasonably OK. I don’t have to be perfect. I can be happy NOT being perfect. It’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to receive help. It’s reasonable not to be perfect, to ask for help, and to accept that help.

Here’s my Facebook status for today:

It’s a joyous thing. I’m headed off to bed feeling full and complete.

Aura Cacia, is having a webinar (an online seminar) on Essential Oils for Summer on May 17th.

Learn about

• Citronella
• Helichrysum
• Lavender
• Lemon Eucalyptus
• Peppermint
• Vetiver

and how to use them in blends or singly for travel, bug bites, dryness, and more.

I plan to be there, how about you?

Click here to register and for more information.

I like how he simply decides he’s tired and falls asleep. Quickly.

I don’t fall asleep quickly. I will flop down on the couch or the bed. But quickly asleep? Not so much.

I’ve always been this way. I remember as a kid my mind would churn and the mixmaster in my brain would take forever to turn off.

Fast forward upteen years. Add in sleep apnea.

Yeah, welcome to my life. Takes forever to fall asleep and then sleep apnea continually wakes me up. I’m grumpy. Grouchy. Quick to anger. Certainly not very patient.

I do have a CPAP machine. I just got a brand spanking new one on Tuesday. CPAP stands for continuous positive air pressure. It, combined with a mask, provides pressurized air flow down my throat, preventing the soft tissue from collapsing while relaxed in sleep, and allowing me to breathe. No snorting awake. No snoring to keep me and the hubster awake. Allowing the rest of my body to relax and recharge.

I also have a new mask. The golden mask. The mask of wonderfulness. The most awesomest mask in the history of CPAP masks. It was made for side sleepers like me. Ahh…I can roll over and not knock the mask from my face or break the seal surrounding my nose. I can roll over and stay asleep! Oh! Joy! Oh! Joy!

I am almost at nirvana.

You see. The company that provided me the machine set my air pressure setting at what it was originally prescribed for five years ago. Over time, with weight gain and mask issues, I have slowly, on my own, adjusted it upwards. Not alot, but enough. So, with the new machine and mask, I started off where it “should” officially be, but not where it “should” really be. At the old setting, I’m still snorting, snoring, and generally waking myself and husband up and neither of us is getting a good night’s sleep.

Some of you might tell me to go get another sleep study. And you would be right. I should, but I won’t. I’d rather save the time, money, anxiety, and aggravation and adjust it slowly on my own. (You can find almost anything on the internet, including the clinician’s instructions.)

I am increasing it a half pound of pressure a night until I get it right. It’s almost there. Maybe tonight will be the night.

Tonight is for nirvana.

I hope.

This is my “D” entry for the A-Z Blog Challenge. I am a little behind. Sleep deprivation will do that to ya!

• Clean the bathroom
• Clean the other bathroom
• Clean the kitchen
• Wash the kitchen floor
• Dust my bedroom, or just the corner where the CPAP lives
• Rinse out the pieces for new CPAP so they don’t smell funny like the factory
• Finish cutting out all the hair and string in the beaters of the vacuum
• Finish vacuuming the house

Instead I choose:

• To snuggle with the dog on the couch
• To sip my coffee
• To enjoy the cleanliness of the living room and ignore the clutter elsewhere
• To take a few moments to write a few words
• To notice the cool spring breeze blowing in the window
• To enjoy a few moments of peace
• To not “should” on myself

Don’t “should” on my parade!

Using the word “should” implies failure on some level. “I should clean the bathroom” translates to “I am wrong for doing something else instead of cleaning the bathroom.” Should implies a duty, an obligation. When I use the word should and I am not doing the activity in the should statement, I feel guilty, wrong. Anxious sometimes. Not filled with internal peace. Certainly not very self-accepting.

So, following the wonderful advice in this book, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay, I turn it around.

Instead of “I should clean the bathroom.”

It becomes “If I wanted to, I could clean the bathroom.” And I don’t want to right now. I choose to do something else at this moment (like writing this blog post) and I am full of gratitude that I have the option (because when people are coming to visit in five minutes and the kid has strewn mud all over the sink, I often don’t think I have the option–even though I do. They can deal with some mud if need be, right?). I am accepting of myself, that taking the time to write is valued. That just sitting and being is OK, good even.

And when I am accepting of myself, I am at peace with myself.

(This is my “C” entry in the A-Z challenge. Yes, those are affiliate links. I would earn a penny or two towards the cost of this site if you happened to purchase the book from those links.)

Here’s the link to the book at Barnes & Noble, and save a few pennies:

I love this book. I use it all the time.

It starts in drips and drabs. The blooming of consciousness in situations that things aren’t what one wants them to be. The seeing of small things to change. The seeking of knowledge and slowly, oh so slowly, gathering courage and learning to apply that knowledge. Taking the chance to do something different. Something new. Changing the patterns. Switching things up in the dance. Failing. Trying again. Learning. Slowly gaining confidence. Failing in different ways each time. Learning that failure is simply a perception. Changing the perception. Changing the situations. New moves in the dance. Conflicts resolved and all are satisfied. Everyone feels heard and understood. Peaceful. hmm…success?

From our smallest children learning to play together, to families, to neighborhoods, to cities, counties, states, and nations we all have inherent needs. Sometimes those needs are in opposition to another’s needs, creating conflict. What we do next, what choices we make, how we choose to act then creates peace or escalates the conflict.

Michael J. Fox said in his Parade Magazine interview today when asked what advice he gives his children:

When we go out the door in the morning, choose happiness. … Try to go for the loving response to any situation. Recognize that the other person has feelings and something at stake, too.

The complete interview is not online, unfortunately.

I try to choose empathy. First self-empathy, a check in with myself to see where I’m coming from. I look for what is triggering me and what needs of mine aren’t being met in a given situation. Then I try to empathise with what the other person and guess what their needs might be. By being honest with myself and being open and receptive to the other person, I know that I have interacted with honor and respect and trust. That creates peace, though we still may need to do some work to resolve the conflict.

Join the Lake Norman community in celebrating our similarities and our differences at the first annual Davidson Interfaith Day, celebrated by people of all ages and all faiths.

Initiated by the Daughters of Abraham, an interfaith youth group for girls ages 11-14, and supported by the Jewish Council of Lake Norman, the Charlotte Jewish Film Festival, Davidson College Interfaith Fellowship, Kids4Peace and the town of Davidson, Davidson Interfaith Day brings together the people of our diverse community to create awareness and spread good faith.

Sunday, April 15th

12 noon with pizza at the Davidson Village Green
12:45 pm Walk for Peace in Davidson
2:00 pm free screening of “David the Movie” at Davidson College

Here’s the link to the flyer.

Visit www.DaughtersofAbraham.org for more information.

We’ll be there!

Have I done any of that? No. I’m struggling today. So tired. But Susan, “you’re always tired” you say. That would be true. I’m also not motivated. Housework is boring. I’m simply low energy. Sluggish. Unmotivated to push myself.

In my defense, I have taken a short nap, finished a book, eaten lunch, washed and folded a few loads of laundry, cleaned one bathroom, and prepped the guest room for a visitor. Not bad, really. But considering that I had almost a whole day all to myself to accomplish these things and more, I’m not feeling the success. I feel incomplete, as if I haven’t done enough.

How should I measure success? Why does success need to be measured? Why do I feel guilty for not doing more? How much is enough? Why does it feel wrong to take downtime? How much downtime is too much?

Got any answers?

I have many wonderful communities of connections in my life: my preschool circle, my Reiki circle, my NVC circle, my dog circle, my family circle, my book club circle, my pool circle, and my friends who don’t fit into those other circles. It’s possible to be a member of several of my circles at once, deepening and enriching our connection and our connection to our sense of place.

What I’m searching for now, longing for actually, is a business circle. I operate best on a team. I don’t like being solo all the time. I have business ideas that include Reiki, EFT, NVC, an online store, in person sessions, classes and workshops. I can’t go it alone . I tried once and failed miserably. I was in the wrong community of folks, even though they were nice and fabulous people individually, it wasn’t the right place for me.

Now I search for the right place for me.

Where is this?

Close to home
Inexpensive
Part of a shared community of like-minded folks

If I had the space available in my home, it might work. But I don’t. And it doesn’t. I tried that too.

What do I want to get from this post? I dunno. Maybe just the clarification of what I want and throwing it out into the sea to see what comes back to me. It’s my message in a bottle.